Living...once life..

Over the years, our inbox were flooded with FWDs with speeches/articles of various personality from all walks of life (business executive, entrepreneurs, spiritually leaders, authors, celebrities,..) on this very topic - Life, whatz important in life? 100s-ways to lead happy life,?. with great appreciation of life, caring my past as memories, enjoying daily surprising experience as it comes, and with heavy baggage of culture/society thinking & belief, I continue my quest for better life - one with wisdom/knowledge/so called ways-to-lead-happy-life, while living a happy & exciting life...

Consistent contradiction of benefits of knowing too much vs. ignorance is bliss - its were is started. did ever gave hard thought about "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life..".? in certain ways I couldn't compile to this rules(so-to-speak). my attempt was unsuccessful - in someways or not, I had too infact sometimes we all are influenced by our emotions. its very romantic to say "live your life and dont live in results of others thinking.." but practically we trapped in thinking for living for our loved ones(parents/friends/spouse/children/..) in someways. our purpose and sense somehow doesnt go beyond. reason may be many..limit of knowledge/sense-of-understanding, whatever.. but by pursuit what we interpret and implement(half-barked) results in isolation mentally/thinking/lifestyle/intellectually from our loved ones(parents/friends) because its takes our thinking away from what they know and believed in...result is: we lead complex lifestyle & perform balancing act between what we know and what we were taught.

Someways, I envy someone with ignorance(is bliss). if you dont know what you are missing you dont miss anything. I dont claim to be intellect, but an individual who would understands the difference. unfortunate/fortunate but I cannot avoid thinking:

• Much in life are directed by things preceding me, therefore out of my control.
• Our mind will somewhat be polluted by public discourse(/superego - the division of the unconscious that is formed through the internalization of moral standards of parents and society, and that censors and restrains the ego)...
• I cannot escape your emotions and it will always interfere with my sense of truth..
• Always been a major distortion between what I know, what I will be able to communicate, and what people will then understand.
• We are ultimately subject to forces beyond us, natural selection, laws of acceleration,etc.
• What people tell you or how others view you will inevitably affect you.
• You will sometime be subject to the needs of your containing vehicles: physical body, relationships, family, house, nation, car, etc.. and because of the nature of time, everything that persists requires maintenance.

it's hard to say whether I act based upon these dirty truths. perhaps, the proper way is to live in transcendence of these rules--i.e.. to keep up with an idealistic conception of life.

It's old adage, that for every answer there are two new questions. No matter how deep we penetrate any issue, or what we do to improve ourselves, our environments, our existence, there will always be an infinite number of steps before us. The process is one that never ends... as much as I hate to admit it, I love this game-of-life and cannot help thinking that's very reason why life is more exciting, and in those ugly truths all that it is reflected our wish to let it go on and on.

but then, may be its just me.. may be because of I am currently living in land of Socrates & Plato, may be I have too much of time, may be I am very happy man unnecessary complicating less complex life or may be only ugly, banal, truth is that happiness might be boring...

The Pit of Struggles

I woke up to a bright sunny…err… wait a sec….it isn’t bright or sunny….instead it is pitch dark...oh maybe I am sleeping still….’wake up sleepy head’….I open my eyes wide open, still it is pitch dark….I try to look at my watch…it shows 6 :00 am….then wat is the matter? Why is everything pitch dark….I look next to me to find that my mother is not sleeping next to me…where could she have gone? And I see three people clad in white approaching me…..I strain my eyes and adjust them to the darkness…and see the three figures clearly…one is a woman and the other two are men…they come to me
‘Welcome to the pit of struggles’ says one of the men who is slightly taller than the others
‘We r the 3 wise people of struggles’ says the lady with them
I blink….what the heck is happening around me?
‘I am the director of this pit, she is the managing director and he is the assistant director’ says the man who is shorter…
I blink once again and ask them if this is some king of a joke?
They then ask me to look above…over thousands and thousands of foot above me I see a small glitter….the lady tells me that, that is my goal in life…
I am confused….what goal….who are all these crazy people??
As if reading my mind…the taller man says…that is the goal I am supposed to reach in my life…and the purpose of my life…
I laugh out! What the hell….I myself do not know wat my goal is…and here are three people defining my goals??
I then say to them…I want to get out of this spooky place and want to return back home…
The lady smiles at me and says…that even they want the same thing to happen…and for that to happen she says I have to reach my goal….
Me ‘!!!?????’
What the hell is happening around me! Is this some kind of a fantasy movie?
How can I reach that goal which is thousands and thousands of feet above me I ask them?
They reply that, that is why I am here…in this pit…this pit of struggles…which has to be overcome with the torch light of hope, and they give me a small pen torch…
I give them a confused look, to which they say…this is the torch light of hope…
Err…excuse me….I say….
With this teeny weenie torchlight of hope I am supposed to reach that goal….up...Up …above me…
they nod and smile at me….
That is impossible….I cry
They smile for this too…
And say this torchlight will show you the way of light you have to follow….
But what if I do not want to reach my goal? I ask them
They reply that only those highly ambitious people fall into this pit at a certain point of their life!
I laugh that they might have been mistaken…I am not that ambitious person….
They laugh back saying…all my ambitions are deep inside me…I have developed them gradually when I grew up…without me realizing it…that they are aching deep inside me to burst out….and only if I reach this goal of mine will I be able to get back to my world satisfied …. There is no other way out of this pit…
I yell ‘What the heck?’…..only I did not use heck….I used the F word….all three people shake their heads and mutter ‘Kids these days…..’
I shout back saying I am not a kid….I am an 18 year old adult….and ask them to go to where they have come from…I do not want to climb up the pit- I shout…it is soo unfair…
They just look down at me….with I do not know….if it was a look of pity or sympathy….
I sit there for a few minutes…with these weird people….they do not seem to be going…and I finally give up…
‘Ok seems like I do not have an option’
They smile at me again….
They and their bewitching smiles…I mutter to myself!
I get on my feet….they ask me to hold on to the walls of the pit with both my hands…and feel the rock wall…and use the clefts in it to climb….
I blink….but I have to hold a torch also….how am I supposed to do that?…
They smile asking me to hold the torch in my mouth…
I just shake my head…saying why can’t they give me a rope…and what if I do not know how to climb…
They smile saying I will find a rope halfway through my journey….and they very well know that I know to climb...they have seen me climb on the pipes of my house to reach my room…when I return home late….
Oops…how long have these weird people been watching me…?
I question back…what about others who fall in this pit…who do not know to climb?
They smile… (That bewitching smile!!!)...When in the pit of struggles...worry only about thyself….they said.
I show them a face…and start climbing…cursing under my breath….and I heard them cheering for me from below…..I very much need it right now!!
And they shout at me to be aware of snakes and other dangerous things….
Yikess!
I fall down again….they hold me…and say ‘we only said beware…we did not ask you to shout and lose your grip…you can overcome everything that comes your way’
And they also tell me…if I fall back again….definitely a set of hands will be there to hold me….those are hands of my well-wishers…
I continue this journey….keeping a watch for snakes….and I fall many times….and I am caught every time by a set of hands… and it puts me back on my foot….and I notice that every time it is a different set of hands….once I felt them like the hands of my mother…I also find a rope….and after endless hours I reach the glitter I saw from deep down below….it is no longer a glitter…it is beaming at me with such ferocity that it blinded me…..it looks like a big space of light….as I went near it….it engulfed me…and I felt warm all around me…….’Ouch’ I banged my head somewhere…
I get up with a start…I have been sweating….where am I?….I look around and find that I am in my room, in my bed……I can hear my mother calling for me to get up….she says it is getting late for college…..I wonder if what I experienced was a dream….when something brushes against my arm….I look down…it is the torch light of hope!

Zanychild
Driving people insane as always!

Emptiness!!!!!

A tiring day….
The sun has receded back to its home
It has brought darkness everywhere in a matter of a few hours
Suddenly the world is engulfed in darkness...
And small illuminated lamps lit up my street
There is the usual hustle and bustle in the streets
The occasional barking of stray dogs
the wails of children
The sound of buses and all sorts of man made transports
I try to focus again on ‘working capital’ decisions’
Nothing is going through my head…
I stare at the white wall before me…
I am filled with emptiness…
A blank feeing…
I try hard to concentrate…
It doesn’t work
I throw my books aside….
I hit the covers of my bed…
The ceiling of my room is pitch black
I stare I stare….
My breathing becomes ragged
I try to think…
What have I made out of myself?
Have I taken all the right decisions?
Am I in the right place where I am?
Have I made a mark?
Will I make a mark?
Would things be different if I had heeded everyone’s wish to take science?
Would I found satisfaction there-more than what I get in solving accounts?
Was I right in deciding that this is right and this is not right for me?
Would I be feeling empty now...even if I had taken science and gone to become an engineer?
Will I be able to prove to the world, that I had made a right decision?
Better, will I be able to prove it to myself?
All I want is to be the on the cream of excellence
Do I have the stuff for it?
Time alone will answer….
Time alone will make a mark for me…
but still why do I feel empty???
??????